I have been living with PTSD since I was a child. I was raped more than once and I witnessed a violent murder as a child.
I have found that the only persons who truly have any real understanding of my life are those who are also living with PTSD. Recently, one of those persons in my life committed suicide. Afterwards, I found myself in a conversation with a close friend of hers who I had never spoken with before. She understood that her friend had been in a lot of pain and she understood that was the reason why she made the choice she did but there was a lot that she didn’t understand about what that pain was really like for her friend. I told her she could ask me any questions she wanted and I would do the best I could to answer them. We talked for over three hours that day. In the midst of the conversation, it occurred to me that my friends might want to know some of the things I was explaining to this stranger. Later that night I sent an e-mail to my friends with tidbits from that conversation. My friends’ responses stated that the email helped them understand me better but their responses also brought me to the realization that my friends understood me less than I thought they had prior to the e-mail.
While I completely and fully understand what led her to that point, the death of my friend and the resulting pain her friend now lives with and the gaping canyon of lack of understanding that exists between those living with PTSD and those living without PTSD all sadden me. Living with PTSD is a very lonely place, even if it may not appear to be from the outside. I hope that writing this blog will help build a bridge over that gaping canyon.
I have found that the only persons who truly have any real understanding of my life are those who are also living with PTSD. Recently, one of those persons in my life committed suicide. Afterwards, I found myself in a conversation with a close friend of hers who I had never spoken with before. She understood that her friend had been in a lot of pain and she understood that was the reason why she made the choice she did but there was a lot that she didn’t understand about what that pain was really like for her friend. I told her she could ask me any questions she wanted and I would do the best I could to answer them. We talked for over three hours that day. In the midst of the conversation, it occurred to me that my friends might want to know some of the things I was explaining to this stranger. Later that night I sent an e-mail to my friends with tidbits from that conversation. My friends’ responses stated that the email helped them understand me better but their responses also brought me to the realization that my friends understood me less than I thought they had prior to the e-mail.
While I completely and fully understand what led her to that point, the death of my friend and the resulting pain her friend now lives with and the gaping canyon of lack of understanding that exists between those living with PTSD and those living without PTSD all sadden me. Living with PTSD is a very lonely place, even if it may not appear to be from the outside. I hope that writing this blog will help build a bridge over that gaping canyon.
