Without experiencing trauma, how can I understand what life with PTSD is like for my friend or loved one?

Larry, a friend of the blog on facebook, posted the following on the Understanding PTSD facebook page.  I thought it was well-stated so I wanted to include it in this post.

You're right many people don't understand how this (PTSD) effects peoples lives. They don't understand how this affects someone’s life.

For those that don't understand, I ask them if they've ever been extremely frightened by something? I ask them to remember and re-experience that event. Re-experience this very powerful emotion in the moment!

Then I ask them to imagine what it would be like for them to not to be able to turn this off. To not be able to get away from those feelings they experienced in that moment. I ask them how they think it would affect their choices if they couldn't turn off or get away from these feelings.

Though they may have a hard time grasping the inability to get away from these feelings, as they have already done so. It becomes a physical experience that they can relate to. They can grasp how these powerful emotions can over rule conscious thought and logic.

Emotions are Very powerful stuff! When combined with the subconscious mind, they can dramatically affect your life! I get to see the impact this has on people's lives on a regular basis.

Having people like you willing to talk about it from your perspective helps greatly to remove the veil of misunderstanding for those that are fortunate enough to have never experienced this.

What seems like the obvious course of action, "just let this stuff go" to those that don't understand it. They don't understand why you won't "just let this stuff go". They really can't grasp the these negative emotions really are stuck! That you can talk about this until you are blue in the face, but these negative emotions remain stuck.

My pastor mentioned PTSD during his sermon yesterday and described it as being frozen in the moment of trauma that was the source of the PTSD.  Frozen and stuck are just words to attempt to illustrate the difficulty in just letting it go or just getting past it or just moving on.  There are invisible chains trapping or invisible walls blocking those who are living with PTSD.  I'm not saying this with a defeatist attitude.  There is hope for those living with PTSD.  I'm just trying to illustrate the level of difficulty that moving forward can entail for the person living with PTSD.

Breaking through these chains or breaking down these walls will not look the same for each person.  Depending on the severity of the PTSD, there may be several layers of chains or walls.  We are all very different individuals and the source of our PTSD is very different for each of us, therefore the method we use, the path we take and the journey we go through in healing will look very different.  Keep this in mind if you are walking this journey with your friend or loved one.


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If you have a question about what it is like to live with PTSD, please use the link at the top of the page to submit your question to be answered in a future blog.

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What is your best advice for someone living with PTSD that does not want to take anti-anxiety and anti-depressant prescription drugs?

I have to preface this response by reiterating that I am not a professional and that I believe anyone living with PTSD should seek out some level of professional help.

That being said, I'm going to take a stab at providing a helpful answer to your question.

There is not a blanket answer to this question because everyone is different, everyone responds to trauma in a different way and everyone responds to triggers in a different way.  PTSD is very multi-faceted and multi-dimensional and so are individual people so no two cases are going to be alike.  Additionally, everyone responds to medication in a different way.

The decision about whether or not medication is a good idea for a person living with PTSD absolutely needs to be made with the help of a professional.  I know there is a stigma about taking these types of medications and I believe that stigma probably prevents many people living with PTSD from getting help when they need it. 

Here are some points for you and your friend or loved one living with PTSD to know about medication.

• Medication can be helpful in maintaining stability and functionality.
• Taking medication does not have to be a long-term thing - the severity of PTSD tends to fluctuate and therefore it is difficult to predict how long medication will be necessary - it could be short-term, it could be long-term, it could be back-and-forth.
• Finding the right medication or combination of medication can be a trial and error process - it is important for your friend or loved one living with PTSD to be honest and communicate what is working and what is not working and what side effects they are experiencing to their doctor.
• If the cost of medication is a concern, there are usually generic options, or some doctors have samples, or some drug companies have programs to help, so explore options before ruling medication out for financial reasons. 

What can you do to help your friend or loved one decide about taking medication?

• Talk to your friend or loved one about their level of functionality.  What are their goals in healing from PTSD?  Do they want and/or need to be more stable?  More functional?
• Offer to help them search for a good psychiatrist.  They can get a referral from their family physician, from a counselor, from a social service agency, from a church or you can do an online search for practitioners in their area.
• Offer to go with them to their appointment.  You do not necessarily need to go into the office with them but sometimes just having moral support in the waiting room is helpful.  You can offer this, but then be respectful of your friend or loved one's choice.  Do not push this if they say they would like to go on their own.
• Talk with them about what possible side effects of the medications are and how you and your friend or loved one will respond if they do occur.  This will reduce tension and surprise on both ends if the side effects do occur.

The points listed above are not all-encompassing.  There are multiple factors to consider and each individual case is going to be different.  As I said in the beginning, this is a decision that needs to be made with the help of a professional.  They can evaluate all the factors and help your friend or loved one decide if medication is the right option for them.

It is important for friends and loved ones of those living with PTSD to understand that this is a very difficult situation to be in.  PTSD was caused by a traumatic event that was out of our control and our minds and bodies react to PTSD in ways that are out of our control.  It is our human nature to try to gain that control back somehow and having to take medication makes things feel more out of control too.  It's a scary place to be and on top of that most of the world looks down on people who have to be on medication.  This is a sad but true state of the world.  

Be kind, listen well and be respectful of your friend or loved one's decisions (the exception being if you think their life is in danger).


If you have a question about what it is like to live with PTSD, please use the link at the top of the page to submit your question to be answered in a future blog.

Why do things sometimes suddenly go from good to really bad for my friend or loved one?

You may or may not have heard your friend or loved one talk about triggers. Triggers are usually the reason for things going from good to really bad so suddenly.

Remember Big Red gum? Remember Lemonheads? Just the smell would make your mouth water and you could taste it in your mouth even without eating any. I bet you can probably taste it just from reading this, can't you? Your body is involuntarily reacting to this trigger, the smell of or even just the mention of Big Red gum or Lemonheads.

Did your grandma bake a lot? Maybe the smell of apple pie brings back good memories for you. That smell automatically takes you to a place rich with memories.

You probably don't realize it, because they are innocent enough, but these triggers cause involuntary reactions in your body and in your mind leaving you in a certain place for some period of time. The examples above are usually pleasant triggers and therefore we either don't realize or we don't mind being in this place where our body and mind are reacting involuntarily.

For a person living with PTSD though, the triggers usually have a negative connotation attached. Instead of smells producing pleasant tastes or causing the recall of happy memories, these triggers cause unpleasant involuntary reactions. These triggers usually leave the person with PTSD trapped in a very bad place. A lot of times they are experiencing panic attacks and/or flashbacks before they even know what is happening to them. This is an extremely scary place for us to be trapped and while we are usually aware of the trigger, there are times in which we are not consciously aware of what the trigger was.  This causes a feeling of being very out of control of our lives.

I always describe it as being as quick as the flip of a light switch.  All of a sudden, you find yourself in a very dark room and can't find the way out.  Most likely some kind of injury will occur in the midst of stumbling in the dark trying to find a way out.  It is a scary and defeating place.

A good topic of conversation for you and your friend or loved one might be about what you could do that would help him/her have an easier time finding the way our of that dark room.  There may not be a quick answer to this question and it may require lots of trial and error but maybe, possibly there could be some benefit and healing from the process.


If you have a question about what it is like to live with PTSD, please use the link at the top of the page to submit your question to be answered in a future blog.